Since this is my only outlet, though I haven't posted in quite a while, I'm just going to throw down the thing that's taking over my mind.. again.
Long backstory short, I really liked this girl, since we started Secondary School in the same class around three years ago, and it was only last year I finally made a move, but was turned down, unfortunately. I tried to convince myself I was over her, and for a long time it actually worked, though it's clear now that I was just in denial, because once you really like someone, your feelings for them aren't just going to dissipate into sweet nothingness.
So, this girl, let's go with Janie, is really great, probably what I would consider my perfect girl. After letting me down, gently I might add, we kept talking, but I noticed she seemed a bit distant. When the Summer holidays came into full blast, and she went on holidays to the same place she and her family went every year, she started to ignore me, and by "ignore me", I mean reading my messages and deciding to leave me hanging. Granted, I did come off as a bit clingy, I'll confess to that now, it seemed like a bitchy move, and I had never pegged her as that type. But yeah, that continued, and just when I started to give up, I think she noticed and started giving me some attention. I came to the conclusion that being flighty and not paying much attention to someone who knows you like them, gets them riled up, so I started ignoring her. And I've kinda kept it going, though not to such a harsh extent, but that's besides the point.
Anyway, School started up again and there was no doubting she missed all the attention I was giving her. Everyone sorta knew she had taken an unspoken liking to this other guy in my class, Gordo, who, himself, had taken a liking to different girl in my class, Cierra, so on and so forth. While I thought my half-ignoring her was working, she was more falling for the Gordo guy, who doesn't treat her as she should be treated, and I couldn't help but be jealous, you know? The ironic part is that we're all good friends; Janie, Gordo, Cierra and I.
So I thought my new attitude towards her was working, until yesterday, when she invited Gordo over to her house( I know because I saw Instagram pictures, not because I was stalking her). I feel like she's trying to do, to him, what I'm trying to do to her, and it's just a vicious, endless circle of young crushes. The depressing thing is whenever I start liking another girl, talking to her and I think we're going good, Janie treats me all differently and shit, as close as she's ever gotten to flirting with me, and I just end up ditching the other girl for her. It's like she can just snap her fingers and I'll come running, and I can't help it!
I think I've rambled on a bit long.. so I'll just leave it at that and hope I have time during the week to post an update!
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